And so it happened that on one day, like so many other days, I was sitting in the Newsroom of SJSU’s own Spartan Daily. I had written an article on something or other, and had made sure the every sentence was short and concise, that every paragraph was short and concise, and had generally made every attempt to remove any shreds of personality, humanity, or warmth that may have slipped in by accident, as per my journalistic training.
It occured to me to think of the Daily Planet, Clark Kent’s newspaper. Wouldn’t it be fun to be Clark Kent? You walk around pretending to be a wimp, you get to wear an awesome hat, and you play tricks on Louis Lane by pretending to compete with Superman for her attention.
Not only that, but you’d also be Superman, blessed with complete unshakable morality at all times. If you’re doing something, and you happen to be Superman, you can be damned sure that it’s the right thing to do, period. It sure would be nice to wipe clean the old morally ambiguous slate, rife with rationalizations and all sorts of evil, wouldn’t it?
Some time passed, and when the phone in then newsroom rang, I’d answer “Daily Planet,” and sometimes identify myself as Clark. Someone usually tackles me on my way to the phone when it rings these days.
Anyway, it occurred to me to have a Superman phase. I never really had one when I was younger, because I was squeaky clean and had flawless morals, and thus no reason to look up to a dull hero who couldn’t be killed or swayed. Now, though, it’s sort of interesting.
So I watched all three Superman films, courtesy of a great place called “Branham Video,” who only charge 50 cents as a late fee. The first one was great, except for the dorky poem Louis Lane recites in an echoey thinking head voice while flying with the man in blue (”can you read my mind?” It even fucking rhymed. Argh.)
The second film seemed like some psycological experiment to see how much stupid a given audience would sit through. The third one was about two parts stupid, three parts interesting, but mostly because it had Richard Pryor in it. Weird. It was also cool to see Superman battle himself.
The films, good or bad, made being Superman seem like a lot of fun. So I decided to be superman.
The first step was to trip and be a bit more nerdy than usual while being my alter ego, mild-mannered student reporter Angelo.
Step 2, though, becoming Superman, was a bit more difficult. I had to drive for three hours to find a phone booth, and while inside it, attempting to squeeze into blue pantyhose and a red cape only got me arrested.
Superman I ain’t. but, it occured to me, I do have an Atari 2600 lying around, and I remember a friend from grade school having a Superman videogame.
So I spent some quality time with the interweb, and asked the internet fairy for a copy of the game. My wish was granted for $0.98 plus shipping.
Six to eight weeks later, there was my wonderful postal worker, trying to cram the box through the mail slot. I claimed my prize. Mine.
I am Superman.
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Superman for the Atari 2600. Pic from http://www.hallofvideogames.com
Y’know, for all the flack this game has taken, it’s actually kind of fun. The first few plays nearly give you epilepsy, and you wonder to your self just what in the devil is going on. And if you don’t believe me that gameplay looks like some sort of mental psychadelic spasm, just look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7U2TFIayos
Eventually, though, it becomes clear that you are moving through a very primitively rendered city, and the screens are indeed arranged in some sort of order.
The object is to pick up some crooks, including Lex Luthor, who have exploded a bridge. put them in jail, and toss the three pieces of the bridge where they belong.
I’ve gotten pretty good at it. My best time so far is 1:59, and I defy you mortals to beat me. I am Superman. I can do anything. Superman looks sort of like Superman, at least when he’s flying, ’cause his cape flaps. It’s fun, and weirdly Addicting.
There’s no real violence here, and it’s sort of a lot like Superman, in that nothing (bullets, Lex Luthor) bothers you except kryptonite, which is floating around the city for some reason. You can even find Louis.
The only thing is that sometimes, you pick one thing up and then something else comes in the way, and you need to pick that up, but the original thing won’t let go, no matter how many times you land, and then kryptonite comes around, and you go down one screen, which puts you somewhere else entirely because up and down screens are sort of random, and…
The 8-bit Superman. I want more. Was there a NES version of this game? If there was, stay tuned, for the next episode of Becoming Superman.
Tags: atari, atari 2600, Atari 2600 Superman, Clark Kent, Geek, Journalism, SJSU, superman, superman for atari 2600, video games
