Kim Jong Il is dead and blogs are pointless.

Pictured, from top to bottom, Farmer John, Spike, and the Mad Hatter, all hammering out unsolicited opinions on their blogs. And I'm no better.

Last year, I made a resolution to blog here more often. I’d link back to it, but you can actually just scroll down a bit and find it, which speaks pretty well for the level of blogging I’ve done in the last year.

Well under 10 posts. That’s my big improvement. Even old standby topics I usually never miss, such as bitching about consumerism after Black Friday, have gone un-commented by Longboard University.

As a matter of fact, I’ve been way the hell out of touch since I started my new warehouse job. Y’see, the holiday season is a helluva time to buy stuff, and here we are in the 21st century, where that happens online, and here I am, at a niche company called All Things Jeep, popping out packages like tomorrow won’t exist.

We’re talking six-days-a-week, baby, which is good for the bank account but will promptly end post Christmas.  My company sells what might be best called Jeep paraphernalia — bumper stickers, t-shirts, tire covers and the like.

Three things about this: One, a lot of Jeep customers, for whatever reason, seem to be named Deborah.

Two, I’ve been out of touch. I glance at  a “Time” article every now and again, but by and large, I’m pathetically unaware about what’s going on. The Smurfs could have been discovered to exist, running violently amok whilst leveling Chicago, and I’d be clueless.

Three: For my lack of attention to anything except packing boxes, and the subsequent lack of blogging and writing, the world has, surprisingly, not crumbled into a neat pile of smoldering ashes.

Today, I unwrinkled a newspaper and turned on the computer to discover, in this order, that Russia is the worst oil polluter in the world and that Kim Jong Il is dead.

The Internet needs your review of the new Lady Gaga like it needs my (very) occasional yammering on current events, like it needs a hole in its imagined head.

“I know something,” I said to me, excitedly, “and can therefore blog.”

OK, blog what? According to the Merc article, Russia leaks about one percent of the crude oil it produces, causing much more long-term damage than larger-scale, explosive oil spills. What do I say, “Bad Russia?”

As for Il, there is no indication as to which direction North Korea will take after his passing. What good would my feeble-minded guesses do anyone? Or should I merely point out the aforementioned fact?

I finally decided that I would not blog. Nevertheless, here I am blogging. But why do we blog? The Internet needs your review of the new Lady Gaga like it needs my (very) occasional yammering on current events, like it needs a hole in its imagined head.

Why, indeed, do we blog? The story I read about Il’s passing was followed by buckets of comments, expressing thoughtful ruminations on the leader’s death, such as, “May you rest in Hell,” and “Is Hell hot enough for you?” and “Good riddance to this evil son of a bitch.”

Then, of course, responses to the comments follow, perhaps expressing discontent with the vocal opinion of AmerikaFUKyea70702. Then, long comes PEACEluvr9, using questionable grammar to express confounding attitudes at odds with those of GarthBrooks69.

Of course, I had to sit down upon reading some of these comments, as they struck me with the revelation that blogs are perhaps somewhere north of pointless, and that, by extension, so am I. OK, I was already sitting down, but if I hadn’t been at the computer, I would have sat down. Or might not have.

I digress.  But what does it matter that I did digress? I’m not educating you in any way. If anything, I’m causing confusion. In fact, I won’t blame you in the least if you click away from this here blog. Go on to your other Internet business. Google “Britney Spears nip slip.” I understand completely.

Still here? Godammit, I told you to go online and look at Britney Spears’ breasts! What, they’re not good enough for you anymore? They sure cut the mustard when you were in middle school, what the hell changed?

I apologize for the preceding outburst. I was simply stricken by the hypocrisy I’m expressing for blogging, at length, a piece decrying blogs as absolute hogwash.

The truth is, though, that those of you who did not follow my instructions will not be rewarded by an earth-shattering shard of intellect cleverly reserved for the end of this post.

I’ll tell you what: I’ll keep reading your recipes for fruitcakes if you keep reading my periodic ramblings about nothing much in particular. Blogs will exist simply because they do. Exist, that is.

The point is that there is no point. What a terrific revelation. I can think of no better reason to keep blogging, can you?

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Tags: Angelo Lanham, blogs suck, Kim Jong Il, Russia oil spill, yes I have a point