Must ... obey ... celebrity ... endorsements ...
Let’s face it: the definitions of words just become obsolete after a while. For example, my vintage (read: old, dog-eared, too cheap to buy a new one) 1975 American Heritage dictionary describes a computer as “a person who performs mathematical computations.”
The secondary definition is a machine that calculates mathematics — especially an electronic one. Getting closer, but still not quite contemporary.
Ruminate, if you will. Consider that here in the 21st-century world, our idea of a computer has virtually nothing to do with computations of any type. If you’re done ruminating, I’ll suggest that a more appropriate 2012 definition for the “computer” is “that thing which lets me get on Facebook, tag photos, and tweet things.”
I’d like to make a similar move to change the definition of “endorsement” to “a tendency of persons of a certain standing in the public eye to attempt to shovel their shoddy opinions onto the ‘regular’ population.”
When Oprah endorsed Obama in 2008, using her “very special episode of Oprah” voice, I thought “big whoop.” Of course, Oprah could have endorsed Michael Myers of the “Halloween” movies and still have been cheered as the best human on the planet.
Fast-forward to 2012, then, and see Kelly Clarkson endorse Ron Paul on a whim, because she liked a goofy speech he gave. I know this is month-old news, but it is, in my opinion, the best example of how the public should treat such announcements.
With Oprah's endorsement, this fellow might have a fighting chance to become president.
Pretend for a moment that Kelly Clarkson is even remotely the type of person you’d want political advice from. The kind of poor decision-making that allows an attempt to endorse a man with two first names who, even a month ago, didn’t have a chance in hell deserves the wrath of the pulsating mass of Twitter drones.
I dream of a time when celebrity voices only reach the end of the bar, as do ours. That goes for all the George Cloonies and Chuck Norrises out there.
For my health I hope Chuck didn’t somehow read that last sentence.
Perhaps it seems strange to be so hung-up on political endorsements, but it’s easy to have election-on-the-brain when the talk of the front page tends toward Romney and whatever his debilitating foot-in-mouth disease has most recently led him to say — that he likes firing people or that the poorest americans have enough help. Granted, these comments were taken horribly out of context, but c’mon, Mitt, run comments by the ol’ brain before spilling them to the Ragged Population of the Bad Economy.
2012, then, has been all about election hype, and it’s hard to imagine a time when bickering republicans weren’t going more-American-than-though whilst Obama cries “Hey! Still here!”
I’m not saying a lot of stuff didn’t happen in 2011. It was a year sprinkled with new hits (End of Iraq war, death of Bin Laden, Tsunami in Japan) that nevertheless wasn’t afraid to fall back on the classics (unrest in the Middle East).
Perhaps it’s because of the variety of events contained within the year that it seems kind of unfair that the 2011 flavor left in our mouths, as we entered 2012, had to do with celebrity deaths and other such humdrum nonsense.
We found, after all, that death transformed Andy Rooney from an out-of-touch grandfather into an institution, the mourning of which is requisite to being called American. Thomas Edison, the man who gave us light, found Steve Jobs (the man who strong-armed other people into inventing computer hardware) catapulted into his ranks as death took Jobs from sickly capitalist to visionary inventor.
I suppose I’ve digressed, as I usually do. The latest news has Romney winning polls left and right, and it’s not too surprising that a man with the ability to improve falling public opinion with a bit of campaign spending (poor Newt was so excited by his momentary lead) would be doing so.
In any event, I’d like to close this entry by announcing my endorsement of Ralph Nader for 2012. Those who point out that he’s not running lose points. Go Ralph.
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